


My Heart Laid Bare

by eyesasblackasthevoid



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-11-01 22:37:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyesasblackasthevoid/pseuds/eyesasblackasthevoid
Summary: Just when she believes she's put him out of her mind and heart, Sasha Surana runs into Jowan in Redcliffe.





	1. Chapter 1

Sasha Surana had never thought to see Jowan again. She’d put him out of her mind on the walk to Ostagar. Or at least, she had tried to.

It goes without saying that scrubbing one’s memory clean of a life-long friend would take more than a shake of the head and a couple of deep breaths to hold back the tears. She’d spent the better part of those long days walking south staring at the ground. Surely, she could’ve drawn the Imperial Highway from memory upon her and Duncan’s arrival at the fortress.

Sasha hadn’t cared at all about Jowan being a blood mage, it was the Circle and the templars that had drove him into the arms of “forbidden magic.” It wasn’t his fault he’d been thrown into a corrupt system where if they don’t deem you strong enough, you either die or have everything you are ripped from you. She couldn’t fault him for being scared. She knew his intentions were good, that his heart would never be corrupted by a lust for power. He would never be driven to kill to sate his need for more arcane energy at his fingertips. As it was, he seemed to not want to be a mage at all. All he desired was to escape from the Circle, Sasha truly believed that, and she had wanted to help him in that endeavor.

She didn’t regret going behind Irving’s back. She and the First Enchanter had been at odds since she was old enough to realize that the tower was a cage, not a refuge. Her affinity for spirits was what kept her in Irving’s good graces and out of Greagoir’s clutches, not that she hadn’t had her fair amount of arguments with the Knight-Commander.

No, it certainly wasn’t the blood magic or making her betray the Circle that hurt. What hurt most was the lie. When she had flat out asked him if he was practicing blood magic, and he told her no. What hurt most was that she would’ve went with him if he asked, if her phylactery hadn’t already been sent to Denerim and all she’d be doing was putting him in danger. She’d had a good life in the Circle, in spite of everything, but she was ready leave it behind for him. 

Now here he was in front of her, the bars of a cell between them. A cell where he’d been left to rot.

“It’s you.” He said as she approached, her heart was still racing from the undead she had just felled, “I never thought I’d see you again.” 

Sasha choked back the strange mix of anger and happiness to say, “That makes two of us. Mind telling me why you’re in there? Are you responsible for this?”

He explained the situation, swore that the only wrong he’d done was poisoning the arl under the order of Teryn Loghain. The dead rising came later. She wanted to believe him.

“So if it wasn’t you how did this happen? The dead don’t just hop up out of their graves on their own.”

“Connor, the arl’s son, is a mage. He could’ve done something to tear open the veil. It wasn’t me, I swear.”

She sighed, “What am I supposed to do here?”

“I don’t know, but before you decide, and I know I have no right asking this but please tell me. Do you know what happened to Lily? I need to know that she’s alright.”

Sasha felt her face and heart sink, “I don’t know, Jowan. The templars took her away, that was the last I saw her.”

He closed his eyes and turned away from her, “Alright, so what are you going to do?”

Behind her, Alistair and Leliana argued over whether it was the right thing to let him out, but their opinions in this mattered little to her. Her hound was quietly sitting beside her, sometimes she wished she had more mabari for companions. They bicker less.

“You’ll stay in your cell for now,” She finally said, voice void of any emotion.

She didn’t wait for any sort of response before she turned and walked into the next room, only to be swarmed by more undead. She forced herself to stay focused on the task at hand.

When the castle was cleared and it became clear that it was indeed caused by the arl’s mage son, it was Jowan who knew of the ritual to save Connor from demon possession.

“Unfortunately,” He went onto explain, “It will require a great deal of someone’s life force, all of it, in fact.”

“Jowan,” She said, exasperated, “I can’t let you do that! There’s gotta be another way to go into the Fade. What about lyrium? The Circle has plenty and they owe me.”

“They owe you?”

“It’s a long story, Maybe I’ll tell it to you sometime.”

Jowan was escorted back to his cell after that, and she started off for Kinloch Hold. She didn’t see him again until long after Connor was freed of possession. It was after her search for the Urn of Sacred Ashes to heal Arl Eamon, and Jowan’s fate was brought into question that she saw him again.

More time in the dungeon had worn him down not unlike her time in mountain fighting cultists had. They were both changing drastically every time they were reunited, but still she saw him the same, as the friend she’d always loved. And when Eamon asked her what he thought should be done with Jowan, she could do nothing else but speak in his defense. She requested that he be let go.

“He can repent fighting the darkspawn,” She quickly added as support, “We need every man we can get.”

Eamon sighed, not wanting to argue with the person who’d saved his family, his village, and his life, “Very well. I place him in your hands, warden. I hope your faith in this man isn’t misplaced, and that you’re prepared to be responsible for any future...mistakes he makes.”

That night, Sasha and her companions stayed in the castle for a good night’s sleep in a real bed before setting out for the Brecilian forest to find the Dalish. She found Jowan outside in the courtyard, and convinced him to come back to her room so they could speak in private.

“We’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

“Apparently, so. Sasha Surana, the Grey Warden. It’s a little hard to believe.”

“I find it hard to believe myself at times, but I asked for this. I went willingly with Duncan.”

“What’s it like? Being a warden?”

“Nothing I could really describe. Words would fail me and I’ve got oaths to keep. We’re a secretive order, after all.”

“Fair enough.”

“What about you? Where will you go now?” Sasha asked hesitantly.

“I don't know,” was Jowan’s honest reply. He didn't look at her as he spoke, “Where's a man to go when he's burned all his bridges? Not that I had that many to start with.”

“You could stay with me.”

“You've done more than enough for me already. Far more than I deserve. I don't want to be a burden.”

“You're not a burden, Jowan.”

“Can you ever forgive me for the things I've done?”

“I think the real question is can you forgive yourself?”

“Maybe. Maybe someday I'll be able to look back on all this objectively but no, not any time soon. I should've given myself up back at the tower.”

“But then I never would've seen you again.”

“Why do you care so much about me, Sasha?”

“You want the truth?”

He nodded and she sighed.

“I'd already been at the circle for an entire year before you arrived, and in all that time I hadn't made a single friend. I was so much younger than the other kids. I clung to my instructors, and when I wasn't with them I ate and studied and practiced alone. Then you came along and you were the first one to show me any kind of positive attention. I'd conjure wisps and use them to prank the other apprentices. It made you laugh and it made me feel important. It made me feel wanted.”

He smiled. Sasha couldn't recall the last time she'd seen Jowan smile. The expression seemed utterly foreign on his tired face.

“I remember,” He said, “A prodigy of spirit magic, Irving called you, and you used your skills for that.”

Both were silent for some time as they each remembered their early years. She realized there had been few things that they didn't do together.

It all started to change when the date for her Harrowing had been set. It was also when he started seeing Lily, which meant she started seeing less of him.

He hadn’t told her much about Lily at the time, just that he’d met someone. She’d assumed it was another mage and left it at that. After all, mages paired up all the time. Such relationships never really lasted, she knew that from experience, and they made for awkward encounters because everyone’s still has to live with each other when it’s over.

“I wish I could tell you what happened to Lily,” Sasha finally said, “But I honestly don't know. I left for Ostagar that night.”

“It doesn't really matter now, does it? She hates me for lying to her when I never could've told her the truth.”

“It was a difficult situation.”

“That I made worse with blood magic.”

“You were trying to protect someone you love, not feed children to demons or whatever it is the chantry says of us mages these days. I know there are blood mages like that but you're not one of them.” She rolled up her sleeves and displayed both of her scarred arms. Her confession was soft, “I'm not either.”

He looked up and down her arms, counting the scars and still-fresh cuts that went all the way to the palms of her hands. His eyes darted to the dagger she'd started keeping on her belt. He wondered how he hadn't made the connection earlier, but then, a lot had been going on in the meanwhile.

As his gaze rose from the dagger to hold hers he found an expectant look in her eyes. She needed him to say something.

“When did you...um did you start doing this?”

“After Ostagar, I figured I'd need every edge I could get to fight the darkspawn. I found a book in Denerim at this dusty old back-alley shop. I don’t think the owner even knew what he sold me. The Wardens don’t forbid blood magic, y’know. Anything goes if it’s to help fight the Blight.”

“I see. If it weren’t for the darkspawn do you think you ever would’ve started?”

“I don’t know, Jowan. Now that I’m doing it seems no different to me from any other magic. I won’t go so far as to bind myself to a demon, I’ll use my own blood and I know enough about healing to keep the wounds clean. I know why you started, and I don’t blame you for it.”

“I thought it would make me a better mage.”

“You don’t need to be better.”

“Easy for you to say, you were always more talented than I was.”

“Talent is subjective. More determined, maybe. You’re fine as you are.”

“Maybe I am, but I’m no combat specialist. I don’t think I’ll be all that helpful fighting darkspawn, Sasha.”

“That’s alright, I don’t expect you to, but it made for a good reason for the arl to let you go, didn’t it?”

“I guess so,” He said as the corner of his mouth curled into a smirk, “So that’s what’s next for you, huh? Going back to saving the world?”

“Trying to anyway. Please consider coming with us in the morning. Or at least, don’t leave without saying goodbye. You’re-”

The words caught in her throat.

“I’m what?”

“Important to me,” She forced herself to say, simultaneously hoping and fearing he’d pick up on what her words implied. Now wasn’t the time for a confession like that, to lay her heart bare in front of him. The last few weeks had been emotional enough as she had to carry on with her quest while the thought of him clouded her mind.

“Sasha-”

“No, don’t say anything.”

They’d talked about it once, or rather the possibility of it. She’d once asked him why they’d never gotten together, after dispelling the rumour that they were yet again, as rumors traveled fast in the tower. He didn’t know what to say and tried to change the subject, but she didn’t let him.

“I don’t know,” was what she finally got out of him, “I guess I’ve just never thought about you like that.”

She didn’t believe him, but neither did she press the issue. When he asked after her feelings on the matter, she lied; none too convincingly if she remembered it correctly. Afterwards they never spoke of it again.

Sasha made herself believe she was content with the occasional fling with another apprentice when the opportunity presented itself, but deep down she always wanted something more, something concrete and meaningful. And she wanted it with Jowan.

An awkward tension formed in the room, and Jowan took it as his cue to leave. Wordlessly, she let him go. As she got into bed and forced her eyes shut, she wondered if that was the last time she was going to see him.


	2. Chapter 2

A nightmare found Sasha that night in place of the restful sleep she so desperately desired. Flashes of the archdemon, the darkspawn horde, and everything in flames. She pleaded herself awake, but found it wasn’t her own willpower that had woke her, but Jowan.

He had shaken her awake and now stood awkwardly beside her.

“Are you alright?” He asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Her breath heavy and erratic, she sat up and ran her hands through her hair.

“Not really.”

“Bad dreams?”

“One of the many perks of being a warden.” She scoffed, then hugged her knees to her chest and rested her head against them. As thus, the next words she spoke were muffled, “I thought you’d be gone by now.”

“I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I’m not even sure if I want to leave. Truth is I don’t want to be alone out there.”

“You don’t have to be. I’m sorry if I made things weird earlier.”

“Did you mean what you said? Am I really that important to you?”

“Of course you are.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“You made it clear a long time ago that you just wanted to be friends. That was always enough for me.”

“Was?”

“I don’t know what I want anymore, Jowan. When the world’s coming apart around you, you tend to look at what it is exactly you’re trying to save. I haven’t been able to help myself from worrying about you, whether the templars caught up to you or maybe the darkspawn....I just...I don’t want to think about my life without you in it.”

“Even feeling the way you do you still tried to help me and Lily? Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I? How petty do you think I am, Jowan?”

“I don’t think you’re petty! I just...”

She laughed, “Relax. I was only joking.”

“Right. Right. Everything's been so serious lately I nearly forgot what a joke was.”

“That’s why you should come with us. Alistair could help you remember. The man does nothing but joke. Your sense of humour just might resurface.”

“I am coming with you. I may not be the best battlemage Ferelden has ever seen but I want to do some good. I want to help people, to help you.”

She couldn’t help but smile, “Glad to hear it.”

The morning came surprisingly swift as they continued to talk. In some moments it felt like they were back at the apprentice quarters at the tower again. They talked about what that first moment of freedom felt like outside the tower. The moment where they each realized that they were actually out. She told him what had happened to the circle, and how even if for some reason they did go back, it would never be the same for either of them. Too much had changed. The templars would never let Jowan live, even as a tranquil, if they got their hands on him, and Sasha would feel compelled to tear the circle apart brick by brick for sending people who just want to live to their graves.

She couldn’t let herself think about mage rights too long before she found herself overcome with anger. Jowan knew her boiling point and skillfully changed the subject.

It was Zevran that knocked on her door to see if she was awake. When he opened the door and saw Jowan with her, he quickly apologized.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Sasha shook her head, “No, we were just catching up.”

“I was simply wondering when we’re heading out. The others are awake and ready to go.”

“Soon, I’ll meet you all down in the great hall in a few minutes, alright?”

With a nod, he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

“I hear he tried to kill you?” Jowan said, once Zevran was gone.

“Yeah, but the wardens take all kinds in a crisis. Besides, he’s not so bad once you get to know him. He knows how to make me laugh for one.”

“Are you two-”

“No,” She said quickly, “Not that he hasn’t offered, I’m just...not interested. He’s a friend, nothing more.”

He wasn’t sure why he’d even asked, and changed the subject, “Right, well I’ll let you get ready. I’ll be waiting out in the courtyard.”

“The courtyard? Why not go down to the hall and wait with the others?”

“Something tells me they’re not going to welcome my presence with open arms.”

“You’re going to be travelling with them, you’ll have to face them eventually.”

“I know, but do me a favor and let me procrastinate a bit on that.”

“Alright,” She smiled, “I won’t be long.”

A moment passed between them then, with the candles on the bedside table painting shadows on her face. The gold of her eyes reminded him of the sun, something he’d nearly forgotten in the dark. And as he walked away he cursed himself for letting it pass.

\---

Sasha seemed happier in the forest, Jowan thought a week later as they searched for the Dalish. For all its dangers, she seemed at home among the trees. He wondered if she’d ever thought of running away to join a clan. He’d heard that the elves welcome mages of their kind with open arms. Their gifts are celebrated rather than treated as a sin.

“What do you think of the Dalish?” He couldn’t help but ask her as they walked side by side.

“I don’t know, I’ve never met any.”

“Humor me.”

“Are you asking me if I’m planning to join this clan when we find them? Not likely. The forest is nice, and the freedom must be even nicer but I enjoy my creature comforts. The Dalish don’t have hot baths.”

“How do you know they don’t? They have fire don’t they?”

“Do you really think they’re lugging around bathtubs in those wagons of theirs?”

“Alright, point taken.”

“I think my father was Dalish,” She said softly after some time had passed, “I remember markings on his face, they could’ve been those elven tattoos.”

“Why did he leave his clan?”

She shrugged, “You know I don’t remember much about my family. I was so young. I could be wrong about everything I think I remember.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. All things considered, I don’t think I missed out on much. I’ve learned to find family in the people around me.”

Her hand brushed against his and for a moment he wondered what her fingers would feel like laced with his. Another moment he regrettably let pass as all he could feel was the eyes of her companions on his back. What did they think he was going to do to her? He would never hurt her.

Of her companions, Leliana was the friendliest to him. As he recalled, she was the one who’d argued on his behalf to let him out of his cell back when Sasha first walked back into his life. Zevran seemed to have no qualms about his presence either.

The four of them would stay up late, officially keeping guard when they were really playing Wicked Grace and telling stories. Weeks passed and eventually, Alistair, Wynne and even Morrigan began to join in. Somewhere, somehow, Jowan had become part of this ragtag little dysfunctional family Sasha had put together to fight the Blight. He realized there was nowhere he would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided that this will be more than just two chapters after all.


	3. Chapter 3

In battle, Sasha was something else to watch. Jowan sometimes found himself distracted as she summoned spells he’d never imagined she could cast. Then, he thought, she’d never been given the opportunity to let loose her full potential before now. The circle clearly didn’t know what it had, and the Grey Wardens had gained one incredible soldier.

The wounds she gained in battle we were rarely from their enemies. He watched her cast storms from her fingertips and summon the dead to fight for her, her own blood expanding her mana draw in order to do so much at once.

One day on the road after fighting some bandits, he sat beside her as she healed herself then wrapped bandages around her arm.

“You’re even better at blood magic than I am,” He joked, thinking it would alleviate that weird tension either of them using blood magic always left, but she didn’t laugh.

“Is something wrong?”

“Jowan, I’m worried. Am I going to be able to stop this once the blight is over?”

“You want to stop?”

“It feels.....it feels too good. No, good is the wrong word. I’m afraid that I’m not going to feel like the same mage without this power. I’m going to feel weak without this. What happens if I can’t stop? What happens if I decide I need more?”

“You’re stronger than that, Sasha.”

“What if I’m not?”

He wasn’t sure what to say, he ran through possible responses in his head until it felt like it was too late to answer even if he did have something to say. They sat beside each other in silence, she turned her attention back to her bandages and he picked at the dirt beneath his fingernails; an idle habit he’d never been able to break.

“Do you remember when I was afraid of storms when we were little?” She said, finally breaking the silence, “And now, look what I can do with the lightning. Maybe you’re right, maybe it will be easier than I think.”

“I’ll stop with you. You won’t need to go through it alone.”

Their eyes met and she reached over to give him a quick hug, “Thank you.”

 ---

Later that same day they sat beside the campfire. Leliana was cooking, humming as she stirred the contents of the pot. From the smell of it whatever was in that stew would surely taste better than what Alistair had cooked the night before.

Sasha was staring blankly into the distance, though she was right next to Jowan, to him, she felt miles away.

“Something wrong?”

“Hmm? Oh, I was still thinking about we talked about earlier and it got me thinking about...something else. There's something I need to ask you, something important, and I need the truth.”

“Sure, because that doesn't sound ominous at all.”

“Jowan-”

“Alright, sorry. Ask away.”

“Why did you lie to me about practicing blood magic back at the tower? Did you not trust me?”

“I was scared. I was already asking you to do so much for me-”

She cut him off, “You could've told me before then.”

“I know, and maybe I should've. Things might be different now.”

“When exactly did you start? Was it before you met Lily?”

“Yes.”

“It must've been hard to keep the secret from her.”

“Honestly? It was harder for me to keep it from you. I wanted you to know. Meanwhile if Lily found out, that meant the templars would too. A chantry sister would never have trusted a blood mage. Did you see how fast she turned on me? I feel so foolish for ever getting involved with her.”

“Everything happened fast that day. I'm sure she regrets it.”

“Maybe but my point is that I've thought a lot about if Lily and I would've even lasted together. But it doesn't matter now, I'm over it.”

“Are you really, though?”

He sighed, “Maybe not entirely...but I want to be.”

“It'll get easier, or at least that's what they say.”

“Never gone through it yourself?”

“Jowan, have you ever known me to be serious with anyone? I was the resident heartbreaker back at the tower.”

“You always told me you were happy going about it like that. Less mess without the strings attached I believe were your exact words.”

“Yeah, well I didn't enjoy it as much as I pretended to. At least, depending on who I was with. I wanted permanent but knew permanent doesn't work in the circle. Look what happened to that Anders guy after they sent his lover off to another circle. Mages aren't allowed to be in love.”

“Well, we're not in the circle anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“Uhh-I didn't-I mean that...that we both have a real chance to..find..someone now.”

“Right,” She said, not masking her disappointment, “Well, I'm going to sleep.”

“Without supper?” Leliana chimed in.

“I'm not really hungry.”

She frowned, “Sleep well, then.”

Sasha gave a half-hearted goodnight and headed for her tent. Once she slipped inside, Leliana propped the ladle to rest on the side of the pot and sat down next to Jowan.

“That was painful to watch.”

“What?” Jowan asked defensively.

“You obviously care for each other a great deal why do you keep dancing around it?”

“It's not that simple.”

“It's not that complicated either.”

He sighed, “You want the truth? I don't want her to think I want to be with her only because things with Lily didn't work out. I just never realized how much I care about her until now. She's told me how she feels, that's where we hit a dead end. And that was back at Redcliffe.”

“Maker, it's worse than I thought. You should tell her. I've got this feeling that she’ll wait around for you forever. This, whatever you two are right now, it’s not fair to her.”

“What do you mean?”

“All the lingering glances and how you're always by her side. We've all noticed. Sasha has far too many maybes in her life right now. She could use something definite, no? Even if you decide you don't want to be with her, at least that wound will be made. Then it can heal. You understand what I'm saying now?

“But it feels wrong to want to be with her when I've still got Lily on my mind. That isn't fair to her either. I need time.”

“If someone was special to you they may always steal a bit of your thoughts and your heart. I know that all too well. Do not let it keep you from moving on.”

Leliana stood and went to check on the stew and Jowan remained still, letting everything she said sink in.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days passed in a haze of travel, the same old Ferelden sights; mud, trees and more mud. Sasha wondered if she'd really been missing out on all that much. At least the view from the tower had the lake, the night sky with a thousand stars, and Jowan beside her looking out and telling her all about each constellation as it reflected down on the water.

She wondered if he still had those old star charts memorized. He used to have his eyes fixed on them during any spare second of free time.

With Orzammar still a couple days away, they stopped in a village to resupply. Jowan noticed how physically uncomfortable Sasha was around the people there.

“Never known you to be shy, Sasha. Are you alright?”

She shook her head, “Small town people like this? Probably close-minded and just waiting for the chance to burn a mage.”

“You're a Grey Warden, they can't do anything to you.”

“I'm not the only mage around,” She lowered her voice in case of eavesdroppers, “I'm not even the only blood mage here.”

“Point taken, but every mage outside of the circle is a maleficar to most people.”

Sasha sighed, “Let's just get what we need and go make camp. My feet hurt.”

She hurried off ahead of him towards a fruit stand, and he made no effort to catch up to her.

Instead, he went away from the main market and found himself in a tiny bakery. The smell of fresh breads and pastries overwhelmed the small space.

There were pies cooling on the counter and small bags of cookies tied with ribbons, little squares of parchment sat in front of them, serving as labels. One caught his eye, a flavor he recalled Sasha being fond of.

He still hadn't apologized for the other night, for making things awkward, this seemed like a good place to start. At the very least she deserved some small indulgence in the midst of all she was giving. And with all the months that past before they were reunited, he'd realized he had missed her birthday. Whatever reason he chose to give them to her didn't matter so much as giving them in the first place.

He bought two bags and hid them in his satchel and found Sasha right where he'd left her.

She was arguing with a merchant over the price of some peaches and he stepped in. He pulled her aside and whispered low, “Sasha, what happened to buying our supplies and getting out of here? Why are you riling up merchants now?”

“He's the one riling me up, Jowan. His prices are outrageous.”

“Then don't buy from him. Besides, I just bought something much better than fruit.”

“What is it?”

“A surprise, that's what it is.”

She sighed, “Fine you've piqued my interest. I'm sure the others have finished their lists, let's go find them."

\---

That night, Jowan sat beneath a tree on a hill that overlooked their camp. Guard duty made him nervous but everyone had to do it every couple of days.

A lantern beside him lit barely more than a foot surrounding but the stars and the moons were out and their light was more than adequate.

From what he could tell, Sasha and Leliana were the only ones still awake at the camp. They sat by the fire that had dulled near embers and he knew they were talking about him. They always did. The same way he always seemed to talk about Sasha with Leliana, no matter where the conversation started.

Zevran was also on guard duty somewhere but Jowan couldn't see him, which probably meant he was better suited for this. They were all better suited to fighting this war than he was, but he couldn't leave. If Sasha believed he could redeem himself fighting Darkspawn then fight darkspawn he would do.

He was lost in thought and didn't notice Sasha walking up the hill until she sat beside him.

“Hey, stranger.”

“Oh, I didn't hear you.”

A short chuckle, “Aren't you supposed to be on guard? Shouldn't you be paying a little more attention?”

“Yeah, I'm sorry.” 

“It's alright, this area is quiet enough. I don't expect any trouble.”

“Does that mean I can go to sleep?”

“I'm afraid not.”

“Damn.”

She laughed again, and slipped both arms around his right, resting her head on his shoulder, “So, what was that surprise you had for me?”

“Oh! I completely forgot about that, sorry.” Reaching into his bag, he quickly found the cookies resting on top, “My apologies if they got a bit crushed. I meant to give them to you right after we made camp.”

Opening up one bag after she set the other beside her, she smiled, realizing what they were immediately, “Chocolate walnut, these are my favorite, Jowan, thank you.”

“You're welcome, think of them as a belated birthday present. Doesn’t quite measure up to what you got me for mine, though.”

“I’m sure you could find me some Chasind Sack Mead somewhere.”

“You still didn’t tell me how you got that for me anyway.”

“There was this templar that had a crush on me. He made me uncomfortable, but I flirted with him every now and then and could convince him to get me contraband.” 

“If it made you uncomfortable you shouldn’t have done it for me.”

“I didn’t do it just for you. As you recall I sampled a fair share of your present. So in that regard, I’d say we’re even.”

“If you say so,” He said, but they had never been “even” not in this simple exchange or anything. She always went above and beyond, pushing her own boundaries as well as those of others in the process. She was a catalyst for success and progress and change and he constantly wondered where it left him. He wasn’t jealous, per say, more in awe of how she could always accomplish so much, do so much, for herself and others and never ask much in return.

“Of course. Don’t think you owe me or anyone else anything, Jowan. This was a sweet thought, and I really needed something like this. So thank you again.”

“You’re welcome.”

She rubbed his back for a moment, then gave it a couple gentle pats as she stood up. “I’m going to go to sleep. Try to stay awake, alright?”

He nodded.

“Here, this might help.”

She retrieved the lantern from the ground, opened the glass door and with a flick of her wrist doubled the candle’s flame in size. Without another word she replaced the lantern and started down the hill. Jowan watched it flicker and burn down the wax until the light of the rising sun rendered it obsolete.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a second chapter to this, I'm unsure at the moment if this will simply be a two-part thing or if it'll be longer.


End file.
